Courage to Love in a World Full of Relationships
If you wish, you can watch the video here. Or follow the guided meditation.
As we continue to journey through the courage to love, after looking first at intimate relationships and then loving ourselves, we move now into the wider web of our world, including relationships with friends, acquaintances, coworkers, neighbours, and even strangers.
Some of these relationships are chosen, like the friends who inspire us, make us laugh, and invite fresh perspectives. And some are relationships we didn't choose—the neighbor with the barking dog, the coworker who doesn't seem to respect us, or the stranger on the street. Every person we meet becomes a part of the tapestry of our lives. Sometimes the threads feel warm and comforting, and other times they snag, irritate or even wound us. But the courage to love is deeper, and asks us to show up to all of it with an open heart.
The Dalai Lama once said, "Old friends pass away, new friends appear." It's just like the days—an old day passes, a new day arises, and the important thing is to make it meaningful.
Once sitting in a bustling shopping center with Edwin, my partner, we noticed an elderly woman eating a packed lunch, which she probably brought from home in order to sit around others. Her head was down, and yet she was in these beautiful handmade clothes that were very eccentric. Edwin simply complimented her outfit, and her face lit up. That one moment of being seen lifted her up, and she simply radiated.
What if we lived our lives that way, letting every interaction matter, if even only for a moment? Of course, this isn't always easy. We sometimes put people into boxes, after just one look, one word. Have you ever dismissed someone because of how they spoke, the clothes they wore, or because they reminded you of someone from your past? And just as we do this to others, others do it to us. They hold on to a frozen image of us, maybe when we were angry or judgmental. It's so painful and yet so human. So how do we begin to open to each other?
Practices for connecting.
There is a simple, yet beautiful practice I often return to, which you can do anywhere, anytime. You look at another person and think, "Just like me, just like me. This person wants to be happy just like me. They've had joy and heartbreak, just like me. They may feel confused, uncertain or lost, and just like me, they're trying." This remembrance doesn't mean we always agree or feel close, but it does help us to view others with deeper compassion, curiosity, and interest.
There's also a powerful Buddhist meditation known as “exchanging self with others”. In this practice, we step into the shoes of another, whether friend, stranger, or someone challenging for us. We imagine seeing or feeling what they might be seeing or feeling, and then look back and experience ourselves using that lens. We might notice our own reactivity, which softens through this practice. The lines between me and you begin to blur. We begin to understand that beneath our masks and habits, we are not so different.
In this world of complex relationships and clashing opinions and roles, can our hearts hold steady? Can we meet each person today and tomorrow, not as enemies or objects, but as beings just like us with their own hopes and fears, suffering and joys? This too, is the courage to love, not because it's easy, but because it frees us.
Up next …
In the next post, we'll move into the reality of interconnectedness and how our love naturally expands into the larger web of life itself.