From time to time I will post a reflection on an issue that has surfaced in my life. Feel free to read through any of these posts and reach out and contact me with any questions or comments.
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Some of these relationships are chosen, like the friends who inspire us, make us laugh, and invite fresh perspectives. And some are relationships we didn't choose—the neighbor with the barking dog, the coworker who doesn't seem to respect us, or the stranger on the street. Every person we meet becomes a part of the tapestry of our lives. Sometimes the threads feel warm and comforting, and other times they snag, irritate or even wound us. But the courage to love is deeper, and asks us to show up to all of it with an open heart.
For many, love for ourselves can feel elusive, foreign, even wrong. We may carry messages from our childhood or the cultures we've grown up in that we're not good or perfect enough to be worthy of love. Many of us grew up feeling unseen or underappreciated, and may have absorbed the belief that to love ourselves is somehow self-centered or indulgent. And yet this kind of love is neither inflated nor self-important. It's honest, grounded, and tender. It's the courage to meet ourselves as we are, with no pretense and no need to fix or change anything, to be worthy of care.
In thinking about practicing in relationship, I wanted to share some reflections coming out of my own experience about the courage to love, starting with close relationships.
I've been in a relationship with my partner, Edwin, for over 40 years. Recently, in a very tender moment, I felt this expansive heart, a deep sense of love and appreciation, and yet I saw nothing to hang on to. Who knows what comes in the next moment even? We know that all the beings we are connected to are transitory, and yet we love them anyways. And this takes courage, rooted in wisdom and the way things are.
There have been numerous women who have inspired me along the way. As a child, my mother had four sisters. There was a bond they had between them, and they held each other up despite their moments of tension. This has helped me to see how we are so much more when we support each other. This also came through in the early friendships I forged with women friends. To this day these friends are a lifeline of love and connection.
The journey of waking up in our lives is a shared experience even if our language for the process may be quite different.
The inner landscape of being a human being and caring deeply can feel like being caught in turbulent waters.
Some of these relationships are chosen, like the friends who inspire us, make us laugh, and invite fresh perspectives. And some are relationships we didn't choose—the neighbor with the barking dog, the coworker who doesn't seem to respect us, or the stranger on the street. Every person we meet becomes a part of the tapestry of our lives. Sometimes the threads feel warm and comforting, and other times they snag, irritate or even wound us. But the courage to love is deeper, and asks us to show up to all of it with an open heart.